Reflections on a midlife career junction
1 year ago
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Perception
Some people see me as a bitch. This is due to several things.
1. I'm loud. I seem to only have one volume, which is about an 11. At a whisper I'm maybe a 6, but that's trying REALLY hard to be quiet.
2. I'm honest. To a fault. I say what I am thinking pretty much 95% of the time. Now being honest is a good thing in general, but due to my lack of brain filter some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is not always, shall we say, tactful.
3. I swear more than I should.
4. I have an opinion. On EVERYTHING.
But probably mostly because, well I can be a REAL bitch.
Every now and then though you realise you do something that you see as self preservation where other people see as bitchy behavior. It's all perception really.
I guess for me the big test as to how irrational I've been is to review things the next day. If I look back and think shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, usually means I stuffed up. If I look back and think "OK....maybe slightly hasty, a bit (or alot) of an overreaction, and a touch dramatic" but I am ultimately still OK with what happened then as crazy as I was at the time, the right decision was made.
Perception is a funny thing though. How people perceive you can define you if you're not careful. It's tricky not to get to sucked into believing the things others say or think of you, generally especially if those things are negative. Or maybe that's just me. If someone tells you something long enough, whether it be true or not that seed of doubt gets planted, and with enough water (thoughts) it can grow to this huge effing tree of self crapness.
And I for one, am jack of it. I embrace who I am. I am fat (but working on it). I am honest. I am loyal. I am loud. I cry at everything. I love my family and friends with an immeasurable strength. And, I am proud to say, I am a bitch. But you know what? I. Am. Me. And I think that overall, I'm not too bad. Not perfect, but OK.
And you know what? I think you're pretty freaking awesome too.
J
1. I'm loud. I seem to only have one volume, which is about an 11. At a whisper I'm maybe a 6, but that's trying REALLY hard to be quiet.
2. I'm honest. To a fault. I say what I am thinking pretty much 95% of the time. Now being honest is a good thing in general, but due to my lack of brain filter some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is not always, shall we say, tactful.
3. I swear more than I should.
4. I have an opinion. On EVERYTHING.
But probably mostly because, well I can be a REAL bitch.
Every now and then though you realise you do something that you see as self preservation where other people see as bitchy behavior. It's all perception really.
Perception is a funny thing though. How people perceive you can define you if you're not careful. It's tricky not to get to sucked into believing the things others say or think of you, generally especially if those things are negative. Or maybe that's just me. If someone tells you something long enough, whether it be true or not that seed of doubt gets planted, and with enough water (thoughts) it can grow to this huge effing tree of self crapness.
And I for one, am jack of it. I embrace who I am. I am fat (but working on it). I am honest. I am loyal. I am loud. I cry at everything. I love my family and friends with an immeasurable strength. And, I am proud to say, I am a bitch. But you know what? I. Am. Me. And I think that overall, I'm not too bad. Not perfect, but OK.
And you know what? I think you're pretty freaking awesome too.
J
4 comments:
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Jelly Bean Books said...
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Yes, you are loud, honest, opinionated and you can almost let fly with more swear words in one sentence than I would usually hear in a whole movie but... you are my friend and I love you for all the things you are. Christine xx
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April 24, 2012 at 9:26 PM
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Anonymous said...
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The fact that your honest isn't always the problem. It's that you often ignore or don't take interest in those that you say you care about. You are awesome but I'd say very often you make your friends feel neglected. Sure you don't have to change who you are but some people may get sick of feeling like they don't matter.
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April 25, 2012 at 12:42 PM
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Jacqui said...
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Sorry you feel that way "anonymous" but I don't really think this so the best forum to say these things.
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April 25, 2012 at 12:47 PM
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Nuttymummy said...
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Nope...I don't agree. I define a bitch as someone who intentionally sets out to hurt and cause mischief to others. You do neither of these things. I appreciate your upfrontedness (not sure that's even a word) and although we don't speak much I consider you a close friend who will always be held dear to my heart. Luv ya El Crazo.
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April 28, 2012 at 1:09 PM
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