Ramblings of a Wannabe Author

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Ever since I was a child. I used to write poems and stories and tell my mum that one day I would be a famous author. One day.

I still want to be a writer, though now days I’d forgo the famous part to just be the kind of person whose words get under someone’s skin, leave an imprint on their brain, or better still, their heart. Yet, as I sit here at my computer for the first quiet time I’ve had in what feels like forever I stare at the keyboard and the flashing cursor on the screen and I realise how hard it is to write when you don’t know what to say.

So I look around the room for inspiration and my eyes rest on the calendar that mum got me for Christmas last year, one of those ones where each month is a cheesy or sarcastic saying, in other words me, and August declares “I USED TO BE DECISIVE BUT NOW I CAN’T BE SURE”. Fitting, and yet, kind of rude. Clearly the makers of this calendar are unaware that caps = yelling. Calm your farm, calendar makers. Calm. Your. Farm. And now I am rambling.

I wonder if my favourite authors sit at their dining tables listening to a random “chill out’ play list on Spotify and try and write words that matter. Or that don’t matter, but that are at least interesting. To someone. ANYONE.

There is so much competition out there. I’m a parent, but there are a bajillion parenting books and blogs out there. I could write about how I’m overweight/trying to lose weight, but again, no real points for originality. I could write about my depression and my journey into the (relatively) shallow end of the pool that is mental illness, but I have done that and seriously that just makes everyone else depressed along with you. Do I REALLY want to be THAT person? I guess that’s the tricky part isn’t it. Finding your, I mean my, thing.

I guess I could keep crapping on with my own personal tale of “Wah” but maybe I should just shut the computer down for a while, turn the brain off for a bit and maybe that elusive idea will come to me when I lease expect it. I might still have that amazing book one day. Today, however, is not that day.