Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Ghost of Jacqui Past.

Dear Jacqui Past,

Well mate, the time has come for us to part ways. It's been 33 years but it's time to say goodbye and move on.

I'm not sure exactly when and why you decided that it was ok to go through life complacent, and to a degree, oblivious as to how one day you would come to look and feel about yourself. I think it began at 19. You started to gain weight and gloss over all the emotional baggage you were carrying from a less than fantastic relationship and as a result you became overweight, well very overweight, and started to lose your sense of worth and found it hard to like yourself.

The funny thing is though Jacq, you hid most of this (well the inside stuff anyway) pretty well. Only a handfull of people knew how sad and insecure you really were. Most people thought you were a very confident, out going person. We both know the truth though, it's all a front.

You did some things right though. You married an amazing man who loves you 100% unconditionaly, even though you often wondered why. You gave birth to beautiful daughters who you would do anything for. You were reasonably smart and you worked hard in a job you loved. BUT where it counts, you were bullshitting yourself.

Well mate, you're done. 

You see, I DON'T LIKE YOU. I haven't for a while. I was always in you I guess maybe I was just waiting for the right time to fight. It hasn't just been a battle, it's been a war. And I have won.

A month or so ago I decided it was time for me to emerge. And I am here now. I can feel my wings unfurling like a butterfly just out of the cocoon and let me tell you something, I am going to FLY.

In the week and a bit since is started the 12 Week Body Transformation I feel good. I am eating right, excercising and most importantly starting to like myself again. I am proud of every little accomplishment I make. The sky is the limit.

So Jacqui Past, it's been real. But it's time to move forward.

Much Love,

Jacqui (Present and Future)

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